The Queen Mother is
determined to raise the nation's spirits.
Disturbing news has
been released by Clarence House, the residence of the Queen
Mother. On the day that the Royal family will lay to rest
Princess Margaret the Queen Mother has decided to seal her own
fate in a dramatic fashion that is bound to shake the Royal
household.
Since hearing the
news of her daughter's untimely death the Queen Mother has been
fixated with her own ending. She has apparently decided upon the
controversial usage of euthanasia to end her own life.
A Royal Footman tests the bungi cord
in a practice run.
Determined to go out
in a blaze of glory she has opted for the use of a bungi cord to
launch herself across the river Thames in a scene to be
televised to the nation. "It'll cheer them right up,"
she apparently said apparently earlier.
Experts have
already predicted that the stunt will cause certain harm
to the Queen Mother due to the frail nature of her body
and the high inertias created by bungi apparatus.
"It'll snap her two like a stick of celery, but I
guess that's the point," said one passing expert.
Not been herself for some
time.
The Queen Mother,
known as 'Queenie' in the Royal household, has been obsessed
with bungi since watching a couple on Blind Date do it on a
holiday in Australia. "Ever since then she hasn't talked
about anything else," said a Clarence House spokesperson.
Kevin Aldright, the
contestant on the fateful Blind Date episode said today,
"This is awful. In some way I feel responsible for the
death of a Royal. They can still hang you for that can't
they?"
Last night the Queen
Mother was also talking of launching Princess Margaret's body
across the Thames using an ancient catapult though these rumours
were unconfirmed and possibly bogus.
You could clear the Isle of Dogs
with one of these.
