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| The public were urged
to "vote for the fat bloke" |
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| Pop Idol hopeful Rik
Waller's chance of becoming a Pop Idol was placed in jeopardy
last night. Police are investigating claims that Mr. Waller, 23
st., attempted to consume Gareth G..G..Gates, 12, in a savage
cannibalistic manner. Cannibalism has been outlawed in England
for the last forty years but remains legal in Scotland and
Cornwall. |
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| Waller, subject of an
e-mail campaign urging people to "vote for the fat
bloke", missed his scheduled performance in last week's
eliminator show because of the backstage culinary ruckus. |
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He will be kicked off the
show if the charges prove to be true.
Fellow contestant Gareth
Fates - notorious for his humourous stutter - is
assisting police with their inquiries.
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Gareth Gates basted alive |
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| He said: "Rik
was complaining that his crisp supply had run dry. Then he
started salivating whilst sprinkling rosemary & sage on my
hair." |
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A packet of crisps could
have saved him |
"The look
in his eyes was scary, I really didn't know what to do.
And then he basted me." |
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| Walkers Crisps were
in discussion with Rik Waller on the subject of promotion if he
won. That now looks doubtful, a Walkers spokesman said today,
"we thought we could play on surname but it's not that
funny really." |
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| Although Mr
Waller has so far not been charged it is a weight that
hangs over him.
Simon Cowell said
"He should be bit more of an old c#nt like me"
|
Quentin Crisp: "Cheer
up sonny"
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| This incident is only
the latest in a run of celebrities stalkings. Tom Cruise once
staked out a chip shop in Southend for two months claiming it
was method acting, and most recently Catherine Zeta Jones
stalked a geriatric 90-year
old only to later marry him. |