Newsfelch.co.uk: Disposable Kylies to hit shops

Turning fact into fiction and back again
Condensed sauciness on a shelf soon.
Finally genetic engineering has done something good for people. Scientists have been conducting experiments for the last year on cloning and miniaturisation with the expressed intention of producing a reliable method of producing disposable versions of hot celebrities.
And they've finally cracked it with a disposable version of Kylie Minogue. Scientists, based at the Hornbrook Research & Development site near Bristol, having been closely working with Kylie in the last few months to perfect the product which they both believe will be a supermarket success.
According to the Hornbrook spokesperson, a disposable Kylie is set to cost under fifty pounds and would last the best part of a weekend. Though no definite price tag has been set they are expecting to shift over a million Kylies worldwide by the end of the year.

"The market is primarily the single male 25-35 age group. They've grown up with Kylie - since her 'Neighbour' days to her present pop transformation and have generally admired her from afar", said the spokesperson. "We believe they'll use disposable Kylies for fun and all round entertainment, though what they exactly do with them is up to the customer."

Each disposable Kylie will have to first baked in a pre-heated oven for 20 minutes. This activates sealed nutrients which then produce wheat-based polycarbons. This allows the Kylie to grow to 5ft 2 - the height of the real star. "The polycarbons also give her skin a nice shine - which is also stain retardant," said a scientist.
The first Kylies will go on sale in London and Bolton in a trial run lasting one month. They are then expected to go on general sale in the UK and available for purchase worldwide through the internet.
If successful, Elizabeth Hurley and two of the three girls from S-Club 7 have all been measured up for cloning too. Michael Douglas has expressed an interest in cloning his wife but was turned away for being a dirty old man with too much imagination.