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Capricon
22 December - 20 January
Romance begins to wear a new hat this week. You may find yourself seeking out new and exciting ways to get in touch with the emotional side of your beloved. More likely, you've become such a boring lover that if you don't dress it up it's not going to get touched.
Aquarius
21 January - 19 February
Take initiative in starting your own business but don't expect success. Let go of preconceived notions. Focus on inventiveness, creativity and willingness to take chance on romance. In fact, dress up like a watchman and stand in darkened forests approaching single women. Even if you are one yourself.
Pisces
20 February - 20 March
The look of love is in your eyes -- a look that time can't deny. An old relationship may get a sudden infusion of magic and energy. You can experience a certain connection on a psychic level as the week progresses that might have been missing for a while. Don't be afraid to speak of your needs to your beloved. You are a person of the earth -- celebrate that energy. Just don't come near me with that claptrap earth-hippy-shit or I'll knock the living shit out of you. Love, Peace.
Aries
21 March - 20 April
If the harmony of love seems a little strained right now it is because Venus in Aries has been opposing your sign. You can open up communication however by taking a new look at what you expect in relationships, and having a shower for the first time this week would probably help too. It is time to dialogue with your beloved and share some inner needs and desires. Not just yours, but those of your beloved. Don't be afraid to say what you really need. But do be prepared to be rejected.
Taurus
21 April - 21 May
You may find that you are finding your need to be more connected with what you truly value is enhanced. Eh? You may want to share your dreams with your beloved but not know just where to start. The forward movement of mercury energy can help you begin this next week as your intuitive skills will start to rise. Er, I think I was pissed when I wrote this, sorry. Avoid conflict first of the week by being more of a listener than a talker and keep that sharp wit hidden behind velvet gloves of kindness. You're not funny anyway - just think you are.
Gemini
22 May - 21 June
You are a love machine this week as Mars heats up your sign and is trying to catch up to dance with Mercury and Saturn. So whey! Bag off with everyone in sight - it won't last forever. Heat up the nights with your beloved by beginning to talk about all those secrets that you have wanted to share. Whatever works man. Also, I see that jealousy of an in-law can be resolved by putting them back in hospital where they belong. Ta-ra.
Cancer
22 June - 23 July
You may feel yourself pulled in many ways this week when it comes to love. Eh eh! In fact, you might even connect with an old lover who makes you question if you are ready for some changes. Be open to what your heart shares with you about your past as it is a message of how you can heal romance today. The freedom of Mars may find you and your beloved planning a vacation or trip just so you can luxuriate in romance. But quick because you'll be dead by next Tuesday. Promise.
Leo
24 July - 23 August
Venus is creating a wonderful aspect to your sign this week. You may find yourself seeking out new and exciting ways to spend time with your beloved. Yes, you'll be not wanting to go in the normal route so to speak, but up the smaller exploratory route. The impact of Neptune could find you lifting your heart and spirits in new ways to create a sense of fantasy in your relationship. But smelly todger, yes? So remember to wash. You may feel a shift of roles in your relationship but be open to all kinds of interesting possibilities. With Mars in the times they are getting exciting. But deeply decadent. Rock on.
Virgo
24 August - 23 September
You may find that the Mars energy may make you a little caustic at times so watch that your humor does not hurt one whom you truly care for and want to protect. You may have to play rescue mission for a friend who is having romance problems - try shagging them to cheer you both up.
Libra
24 September - 23 October
You will share joy with family member who receives special honor tonight. Focus on do you really care or are, indeed, jealous. Give it some thought - it may be worth drinking heavily and getting into a fight over it. Just some options.
Scorpio
24 October - 22 November
Let your love shine this weekend with the planetary love energy flowing well with your sign. What? Prepare for Saturn direct and the kiss of Mercury going direct by being ready to make a commitment. Arse. Watch what you say and perhaps spend more time listening this week so that you can avoid conflict and stay in the love zone. Now that's enough of my bollocks. F'off and do something useful with your day.
Sagittarius
23 November - 21 December
Unusual source of financial support will arrive. Probably you'll end up mugging someone. But do you get away with it? I see that you do. Congratulations. Also, this new joy will create much quandary. You'll be up to it. Or may be not. I don't can't be sure. Probably..